𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 – we have all felt it at one point in our life. We have let it consume us at the expense of our relationships, our health and even our careers.
𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 both personally and professionally that have left a profound sense of guilt. It has caused me to lose sleep, to not run (although the cold weather and snow is not my friend sometimes!) and even to not eat well. My health had begun to suffer for it. I know the decisions in the long run have been the right ones, so why did I feel so guilty? Self-sabotage.
I had the opportunity to join an amazing committee doing something that I am extremely passionate about that combines both my personal and professional interests. However, I joined because I felt obligated. I joined because I wanted to show that I was worthy of such an opportunity. However, I knew deep down it wasn’t the right time to make such a decision. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to devote the amount of time necessary to be as productive and successful as I know I could be. But I did it anyway.
In rolls the waives of overwhelm of shifting my schedule to accommodate an already busy routine. The waive of stress attempting to fit everything in not only to attend meetings but to actually handle important tasks necessary to fulfill the goals of the team. I found myself removing my self-care goals for my own personal health to manage new schedules. I felt guilty for feeling guilty.
We all make choices we don’t want to make for fear of upsetting or hurting another. We feel bad for wanting to remove toxic people from our lives because our truest intentions are to help them. We feel bad if something doesn’t bring us joy anymore but we keep doing it because we feel obligated to. Once we realize that making the decision lifts the burden of guilt, the burden of stress…the burden itself, the sense of relief is so freeing.
It’s okay to make a choice that bests suits us. It’s okay to say no without having to explain why. It’s okay to not want something, or someone, in our lives that causes us anxiety.
I made the difficult choice to step down from the committee, for now. I realized that all the stress and guilt I was feeling for wanting to step down, was my own. I didn’t want to be seen as unworthy personally and professionally. I didn’t want to be someone who was unable to manage their time. Let me tell you, if there is one thing about it me, it’s that I am OCD about time management haha.
The point is, no one was making me feel bad for my choices. I was. I was feeling guilty thinking I was letting others down. I was feeling guilty for wanting something so good in my life but I couldn’t make it work. Even if others were making me feel guilty, they shouldn’t be in my life. We all need a circle of people in our lives that support our decisions and understand our whys. Much like my previous post, instead of What if, ask so what? So what, I have to step back because my attention needs to be elsewhere at this particular time in my life. Life does go on. Our decisions are inconvenient for others but that doesn’t mean we should let anyone make us feel bad or make us feel less worthy. I AM worthy. YOU are worthy. WE are more worthy to ourselves by making better choices.
Lift the burden of guilt and feel the sense of peace and calm it brings. Sometimes it takes a little longer to feel it, but it will be there. Give yourself time to grieve but don’t let it weigh you down. Keep moving forward at YOUR pace, not anyone else’s. What is the right pace for you? No one knows…but you.
Remember, life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful